seriously 80s

the ten minutes before cycling class begins is an important time for hydrating oneself, stretching and warming muscles and making fun of other people in the class. last night as i was getting the legs moving and psyching myself up for a hard core sweat fest i was struck by a woman entering the cycling studio. it wasn't beauty, size or any other physical feature that was so striking, but her choice of attire that gripped the attention of at least laurie and i who were quite simply gob smacked! close your eyes and imagine this.... (it might help to have an 80s aerobic dance tune playing in the background of your mind, try Irene Cara's What a feeling) a slight-ish thai woman enters the studio with confidence, she was feeling good about the upcoming workout and feeling sexy in her cotton, knee length, pastel pink leggings. but it wasn't only the leggings that made her feel the way she did, it was her slightly darker pastel pink leotard that capped it all off for her. it was not just any leotard (still the first one i've seen in about 10 years) this leotard was cut high, way high, sitting well above the hips on each side. it was open backed, not a cross back, which meant that her soon to be sweaty, already slighty sweat stained skin colour bra strap was on show. but it didn't stop there, the moment that she chose the bike directly in front of mine was the moment that revealed all. can you believe that the cotton pastel pink, super high waisted open backed leotard was a g-string number?! OH MY GOD! and she was sitting right in front of me! imagine, me, leaning forward on my bike in a racing position, and what is it that is no more than 40 cm from my face? yep, her pastel pink leggings and g-string over the top combination! I SHIT YOU NOT! i wont go into the graphic details of butt crack sweat because it's just too bloody much to handle.... What a feeling, bein's believin', I can't have it all, now I'm dancin' for my life. Take your passion, and make it happen, Pictures come alive, you can dance right through your life.....

All gambled out

had a friends 50th on saturday night (yes, I have a friend who is 50, it is true that she could be my mum, but you need to keep in mind that I am a whole lot younger than most expats here!) it was a great night of fine wine, fancy food and casino game playing! She'd turned her (massive) apartment into a casino and conned her kids and netball team to come and work the tables for the night. There was blackjack (i sucked), poker (i lost), two up (no luck) and roulette (lost everything)... we were betting with lollies (chupa chups were big money, white rabbits on the low end)... i really wasn't very good at all and was all out by 10pm. I begged borrowed and stole what i could and then decided that being away from the tables and closer to the bar was a better option anyway. It was a super night but one that needs to be kept hush hush as gambling is completely and totally illegal - i hope that using candy gives us a loophole when we are facing time in Bangkok Hilton!

Bloody Gym

I hit the brand new Esplanade gym last night for some cycling action. The bikes were super sweet with large saddles to comfort my butt and smooth pedal rotation that meant an awesome and sweaty workout - aren't you just so excited about that? being the only farang in the class the instructor was kind enough to say everything in thai and in english - this only proceeded to embarrass and single me out, but that's ok cos everyone else was a cycling newbie and they were where i was at 4 weeks ago, nearly dead after 20 minutes. Me on the other hand was kicking some serious ass - if it were a race (and it always is in my mind) i would have left them all for dead...
had a little accident in the change rooms though. caught my leg on the corner of a little metal bench and i really started to bleed out! :O i mean, not bleed out in the ER sense where i needed some kind of transfusion or blood donation, but bleed out enough that there was a significant red puddle on the change room floor and a generous amount of gym ladies offering their concern and support. i've got a nice big band aid on it today and am milking it...

heading off for some charity stuff

well, once again my posts are few and far between - and this time it 's even worse because i am writing to myself only. i still haven't told anyone about this blog - is that weird?
heading to cambodia this weekend to paint or hospital or something. it's all with that women's service club that i haven't and won't ever join, heading there with Gill and her mate Sarah (as well as other peeps) so it should be a good weekend. Hard work no doubt, but still something to be proud of.... wow this is kinda soppy.....
since I started this blog, about 3 months ago I've not done a great deal. it is time to start thinking about april holidays, at this stage i've narrowed it down to hard core travel in vietnam or a relaxing beach island hopping trip starting in the similans... too many choices, it's a tough life.... ok, if this gets any funnier i am going to wet myself... hooroo....

knee high floods, dirty klong sludge and bouffy hair

every now and again one lives through an experience that needs to be told to be others. it then needs to be told and retold again each time increasing in specific (usually false) detail that enhance both the humour and interest factor of the experience. generally the experience is not life threatening nor groundbreaking - just out of the ordinary. have you an experience like this recently? no? allow me to share mine.... on a typical wet season afternoon, the time of the year that the rains seem to be running on a strict Singaporean timetable, i had a dinner appointment with a women's service club. this in itself is frightening - am i old enough to consider joining a service club? just so that i don't embarrass anyone who might read this wonderful piece of art i will not mention the name of the club, i'll just say that it's like rotary for women (rich bored women with big hair that would hold strong in a gale). the taxi driver refused to take us directly to the dinner which was both inconvenient and rude, stating that the traffic was far too out of control to consider going that distance, so we clambered out of the cab in the rain, in our skirts and heels up the stairs of the heaving skytrain. it turns out that the taxi driver had been right all along, some poor (yet typical thai) water management decisions had meant that the main strip of bangkok was starting to flood and the street we needed to walk down was knee deep in dark, foul smelling, nappy infested, sludgy klong water. feeling undeterred by the stench we powered on. at times I had to hitch my skirt to unfathomable heights in order to prevent the stench leeching on to the expensive fabric of my 30 dollar target outfit. despite the wading we were most certainly the lucky ones - the people stuck in their BMW's and Mercedes' unwilling to open the door for fear of major water damage were in for a long night. the traffic was going nowhere. and i mean nowhere. they would have been lucky to move a centimetre in an hour.... i think i preferred swimming with the dead fish and klong eels to the night they had in store for them... relatively unscathed, i say relatively because gill ended up with klong sludge on her boob, reminiscent of a newborn babies skid marks. with a quick scoot to the loo for some last minute clean up efforts (pam and i washed our feet clean of the rapidly evolving bacterial infections we would have picked up on our adventure) we were ready to enter the meeting. if only i was more prepared..... the sheer excitement of our arrival is hard to communicate - pure joy on the faces of these women who were all so delicately attired in 100% pure thai silks suits, with heavy gold weighing down their fingers and big bouffy hair helping the empty room feel occupied. i quickly assumed my formal name of andrea, there clearly was no room for ange at this event ( i wonder how mad dog molony would have gone down!?) and like jack on that fateful virgin journey of the titanic (according to hollywood) i mingled with the riches like i belonged. it wasn't long before i had signed up as a home and garden tour guide - no doubt i will need a hair appointment beforehand to bouffafy my hair!

being at the hilton, there was an interesting array of cutlery to choose from. working from the outside in i ended up with what appeared to be a butter knife to eat my salmon parcel. looking around the tables for help only to see that being late meant that everyone else had finished first course and left no evidence of which knife they used. gill, in typical aussie style, swallowed (and lost) all pride and asked the rich woman in the thai silk suit with the bouffant hair do.... feeling quite foolish yet not letting on, gill accepted the down the nose answer "why it's a fish knife darling" - we ate in silence for a while.

after dinner the celebrations began and we were fortunate to be witness to a club induction. in traditional service club style the induction began with a detailed biography of Martha (uniformly dressed in a thai silk suit, opting on this occassion for a breast high skirt which was captivating). Certificates and name tags were handed over and pinned on breasts and tears could be seen behind 4 inch layers of orange make up. the most moving moment of all was without doubt the pledge to service, commitment and honour. even though we weren't members we were welcomed to join in and i, personally, found it absolutely hysterical! like a grade 4 student who just farted and blamed it on the teacher i almost lost all control. i had two choices - laugh out load or let the energy of laughter escape as tears. the second was the more mature of the two options and so the tears of joy flowed and flowed. pam was no help at all, perhaps in a more difficult place than me, she really struggled to get back to the maturity expected of a woman at these meetings.... somehow i don't think it was supposed to be funny.

seriously... i am nerdy....