bangkok metro style...

Staff photos today called for some hair control and the only way to get the mop in control was with a quick little visit to the hair dressers. Once again going hi-so (that's Thai for high society) I hit Toni and Guy for a sleek and stylish snip. "Do whatever you want" is never a good way to start a hair cut, but with a style already in place I didn't really think that she (actually she may very well have been a he) could go too wrong. That's where I went wrong! the esplanade shopping centre - oh sorry, I mean the Arte-tainment centre - the mecca of hip and cool, the trendy young place to hang out and sip coffee by the indoor moat is not the place to say "do whatever you want".... bloody hell, I came out looking all Bangkok metro!


Messaging Pat and Gill to inform them that I out did the coolness of our most trendy student I was ordered to take some photos. The thunder and lightning was booming outside and I knew that my do would not hang around long in the humidity - only solution was to take photos of myself, in the bathroom....

Enjoy the photo shoot! (It is all the more funny if you can try to imagine me in the public bathrooms taking photos of myself!)

work and play in singapore

Went to Singapore for a teaching workshop last week. Not a bad deal, front up at work for 2 days after the Easter holidays only to be sent packing for 4 days to mingle with piss head teachers in Singapore. The workshop itself was interesting, beneficial and enjoyable - three good qualities for days away from work. Met some crackers and some not so. Took way too much advantage of the free booze on Thursday night, followed it up with way too much of the duty free gin I'd picked up on the way in and then spent way too much time speaking with ralph on the big white phone. Needless to say, day two of the conference was way too bloody difficult. By the time lunch came around I was ready to chew someones leg off. The ladies who joined me at lunch gave me the appropriate amount of sympathy and more than the appropriate amount of piss taking. They then compared me to a bloke who was fast asleep at the top of the stairs heading away from the cafeteria. Little did they know that it was Park, the guy who had way too much of the other half of the gin that I picked up at duty free.....

Feeling slightly recovered from my indulgences I spent an extra day in Singapore with the wonderful and beautiful Reubs. He once again drove me around, taking me to the best places to eat, the fanciest places to people watch and sip martinis and the best places to pick up bargains. Auntie Shirley (Reubs' equally wonderful mum) cooked up a curry storm that rivaled the infamous curries of ol' 2North days. Just the right amount of spice, yogurt and cucumber to send the taste buds into a frenzy. Not quite as gastronomically delightful was Daniel's 8th birthday party feast on Sunday - luckily Reubs and I had snuck out for tempting ribs in broth beforehand and got away with just one serve of cheesy bacon American diner style fries at the bday party. As always, Singapore was for me, better than anyone ever says. Trees, traffic free roads and countless places that serve prata at anytime you might need it - I think to myself "maybe it's my next stop before I go home?" but then I get back to the stinking hot, traffic infested madness of Bangkok and wonder "aren't I already there?"

I'm a minor (VERY MINOR) celeb!

So while I was away cruising around the Philipines I got my name in print! Woo hoo! (Don't laugh at the dorky quote - I'm a maths teacher, it comes with the job!

The magical island of Bohol

Ok, sorry about the misleading title, there isn't actually anything MAGICAL - wizards and magicians about Bohol, but it is wonderful and beautiful all the same. After finally escaping the madness of Manilla, Alex and I set off for some relaxation time at Nuts Huts, a superb jungle getaway located on the Loboc River (an almost glowing green river that you actually DO want to swim in). For three days I swam, ate healthy foods, walked up and down a good 200 steps, nourished my thirsts with some good old cheap Filipino beers, finished a couple of books and beat Alex at Trivial Pursuit (ha ha ha ha! she wasn't too happy about that ) We also spent a very slow day out on a rented motorbike - slow because Alex is a candy ass and couldn't handle anything above 40 clicks - and slow cos that's the Filipino way. We visited a cute little Tarsier centre that cares for and breeds cute little Tarsiers (check out the photos and decide for yourseleves if they are cute or not!) and we went to the lumpy old Chocolate Hills. The Choco Hills are a major tourist attraction for Bohol but really, at the end of the day, they are just hills, lots of them... hmmm... i took photos cos i was supposed to, but I wasn't particularly moved by their beauty or lack of! Take a squiz at the pics and decide for yourselves!

After the riverside relaxation we moved ourselves across to simple little beach side huts for some sun, sand, beer, fish sighting and fish eating fun. The island of Panglao, still within the province of Bohol is (like all beaches in the peens), home to ultra - don't dare forget your sunnies - white sand and crystal clear turqoise water. So picture perfect that even the fish are carrying state of the art digital cameras to savour the beauty. The reefs were close enough to swim out with a snorkel and say hi to Nemo and his pals and the dives were cheap enough that I did more than a few. It had been a while since I'd got myself wet below 20m of water and I was just a little bit nervous about the whole thing. In fact for the first 30 minutes of my first 50 minute dive I didn't look at anything except my rapidly decreasing air gauge! But I did manage to see a big school of barracuda, some moray eels, a good handful of wickedly colourful sea slugs and snails and a little baby shark that kept hanging out on my tank. I was having a few bouyancy issues - in that I couldn't keep bloody still - and i was constantly reminded of a quote from the book God of small things : The deep swimming fish covered their mouths with their fins and laughed sideways at the spectacle... the spectacle of course was me and my inability to stay at one depth for more than a few moments!

On my dive trip we met our new besties, a honeymooning couple from the UK, who certainly gave us a run for our money on the How much beer can you drink? front...Rob and Ellie were an absolute craic - stealing tamborines (Ali helped too), taking the piss out those who deserve it most, PDAs with sand in undesirable places and some creative rules for darts - they had us totally entertained for a few nights running. On Saturday night after a carb fueled dinner I experienced a little burp with a hot and chunky suprise, ready to call it a night and suffer with my hangover alone in my bungalow I felt inspiration from Rob and Ellie - the old farts who just kept on drinking! How the hell could I let them out drink me! Order me up a heavy - FAST!

In the name of the father and the son....

today is good friday, the most important day on the Catholic calender some might say. The day that we remember the ultimate sacrifice that He made for us. Well, here, in the Philipines, simply reading about it in two thousand year old scriptures is not enough, no, here in the Philipines we are visual learners and thinkers and we need to see what happened in order to truly understand and apreciate the sacrifice. So on this day, in the small city of San Fernando, 7 men went and had themselves nailed (right through their freaking hands! I am almost white as a ghost again just writing about it) to a cross in an act that will bring them forgiveness or perhaps new found health and well being for an ill family member.
there was a whole re-enactment of the passion of christ, pilate was there, judas hanged himself (that actual was only a dramatization!), there was a whole crowd of people cheering and booing etc and it was actually kind of weirdly moving in a bloody kind of way... keep in mind that prior to all this, dozens of men not bound for the cross were walking the streets flagellating themselves. they had covered their faces with cloth, many had a crown of thorns, all of them were dripping with blood as they continued to whip and carry out the act of mortification of the flesh as a reminder of the degradation the He suffered... so back at the passion of Christ re-enactment....
you had to be really careful to avoid the bloodied men as you squeezed in around the crowds for a better view - i had Jesus Christ Superstar songs stuck in my head for most the day which created a rather holy moment for me - that was until of course good old ange and her 'not so tough at all style' prevailed and i found myself weak at the knees, white as a ghost and ready to pass out completely! (and the nailing action hadn't even bloody started!) i found comfort under a small tree (judas would hang himself at this very tree later on) and sniffed on some smelling oils that I had conveniently tucked away in my bum bag. then it all started to get rowdy! the music intensified and the shouting was deafening, there they were dragging jesus to the peak of the hill, his back already dripping with blood after his lashings. many people were playing the part (many were just curious onlookers viewing the whole thing through their cameras) but everyone was completely fixated on what was happening in front of them. 'Jesus' let out a wail as he was nailed in one hand at a time and then his cross was raised for all to see.... (again at this point I really didn't want to look to closely, i mean the man had huge bloody railway sleeper nails in his hands!!! :o)
once 'Jesus' was pulled down and rushed to the medical centre, 6 other men took their turns to show their repentance and endure pain as their Saviour did....
we slowly walked back to our bus as the final man was brought down from his cross - still feeling kinda weak and not sure what to think about the whole thing there was a moment of silent reflection and disbelief, and then i saw the blood splatter all along the side of our van! we obviously came too close to a gang of self flagellaters and our van now looked like it was witness to a serious crime!

"Are Filipinos bloody devout Catholics?" they replied as one "It is as you say"

Wet and wild at Lake Taal

so much more sucess today for us here in manilla... we'll admit that we did blow the budget quite magnificently but it was well worth it - just getting in a nice fancy car and heading out of this manic city was a bloody sensational feeling.we visited a small town called talisay that is located on the banks of lake taal, a 200 sq km lake a few hours drive south of manilla. the lake itself was an awesome sight and within the lake was a not so huge but ready to blow volcano. its the smallest volcano in the world but it's still boiling and gaseous so we shouldn't take the piss out of it.... we took a short boat ride across to the island and about 1 minute into the trip the boat driver passed Alex and I a green plastic sheet. we weren't really sure what to do with it, but asked are we going to get wet? almost instantly a huge (read kinda big enough to splash us) wave struck the side of our viking ship and drenched us - ok, we get it... on the island we were met by naked children begging for money, we managed to please them enough with some candy although i am not sure it's what their teeth really needed! the walk up the volcano was hot and dusty, most people (in fact everyone bar us) opted for a horse ride up to the craters edge, deciding that 1. we needed the exercise and 2. the horses were freaking tiny we clambered up in record time. we were filthy, sunburnt and thirsty once we hit the top but it was all worth it. the view into the crater was more than impressive, a huge green sulphuric lake (i am sure it was meant to be yellow but it must have been a little diluted today?) within the lake was an island, so technically we were looking at an island within a lake within an island within a lake (within an island if you count mainland philipines)... the clamber down to the lake looked hot and dangerous so we just enjoyed the view from the cheap seats before braving the hot volcanic ash laden trail back to base... exercise and a tan - what a great day!

No escape from Manilla

painful and infuriating is manilla - 6 hours we tried and failed to leave this god awful city.... if i weren't so darn hangover I would write more but at the moment i simply can not... stay tuned for the vivid descriptions of our day from hell....ok, i am feeling a little more alive today after a great day (more on that in a minute) - first, sit back and enjoy the madness that was our first full day in manilla....the first mistake was mine, i will admit that. a mojito jug followed by umpteen million gin and tonics did not get me off on the right thing at 7am Tuesday morning. the plan was to go to the bus station, board a bus that would take us a good 12hours north to banoue, this was not to be. 4 bus depots later we accepted defeat, alex, me and the 4 million residents of manilla were all trying to get out for the easter long weekend and we didn't have a chance of getting on a bus. Never mind we shouted joyfully (me not so joyful but i was trying), we will go south instead and check out the volcano... off to yet another bus terminal, this time there were buses and we were quickly (very very quickly) ushered onto one that was already leaving the terminal - super?! - it only took us about 3 minutes to work out that this bus was not going where we wanted to go and we would have to jump out while it was still moving, add to the spectacle big backpacks, rain, puddles and crazy motobike drivers and we created a scene for all to enjoy - except us.heads down we clambered into our 5th taxi of the day for the airport we'd had enough, we wanted out... perhaps we could change our flights and head to the beach early? huh? remember holy week? remember the 4 million people trying to leave? no chance molony, what were you bloody thinking! you've been up since 7am, it's now 4pm, you've been around and around in circles, now it's game over - back to the hostel for another night in manilla.... the lonely planet does say "it is more difficult that you might think to take a regional bus out of manilla", they need to be informed that "it is bloody near impossible to take a regional bus out of manilla!".... seriously, this city sucks! ok, well it doesn't suck, its just not easy to handle. we made a good move and checked out Intramurous, this old brick walled city thing that was bombed once or twice and now is kind of trashed, but at least we managed on our day from hell to complete something at least a little bit touristy!tomorrow we will try again - fingers and toes are crossed....